those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
