Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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