man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
