The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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