I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
