Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
