i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
