Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
