The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
