Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
