So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
