I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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