She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
