Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
