Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
