She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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