Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
