I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I still have a little drunk in my system
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
