you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
