farters have to be the big spoon...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
