Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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