What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize