ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
