sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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