We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
