I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I need moral support for this bender
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
