You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
