eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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