That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
