Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
