There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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