I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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