That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
