it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
