My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
