Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize