I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
