I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
