he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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