So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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