we have pet lesbian snakes
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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