Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
