: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
