There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
