i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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