No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
