I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
bring money and cleavage
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
