Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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