We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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