two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
