Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
