i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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