its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i've created a new STD.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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