he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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