I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
