I smell stomach acid.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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