Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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