Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
