i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
