there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
