He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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