I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
