In the future we'll all be gay
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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