I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Are we still banned from the library?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
