after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
is it fun? or sober?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
