I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
