Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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