I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
