I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
