yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
