it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
