ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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