Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I need to stop coming to work sober
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
