good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
