Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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