I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
