Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
