If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
