he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
