she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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