Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
