I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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