Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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