So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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