proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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