I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
