I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
