can u get pink eye on your cock?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
