I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
