thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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