There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
