You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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