you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize