Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
