True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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