Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize