You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
