That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
